Insider 2-24-2012

I’ve been recently reminded that gamers have a language all their own. It would be easy to call a WARMACHINE model a "figurine" opposed to a "miniature" if you were seeing it for the first time. It’s not unheard of for folks to refer to warjacks as "robots" the first time they see one. Many people are surprised to learn there’s assembly required with the majority of our products.

Terms that many of us are familiar with like "RPG" or "d6" aren’t common at all to a non-gamer. For example, a quick internet search for “RPG” yields "role-playing game" as the first result, but "rocket-propelled grenade" isn’t far behind. "D6" brings up the guitar chord and shopping results for audio equipment and then dice.

But what happens when you ask a real, live, non-gamer human to define some of the standard terms used in WARMACHINE or HORDES? Well, Gentle Reader, the results weren’t unexpected. In the interest of protecting the innocent, I won’t divulge the name or location of the "relative" I emailed. I will say we aren’t related by blood and the term "uncle" is used as an honorific. "Crazy uncle [redacted]" has a nice ring to it. Trust me.

Please define the following:

D6 – A gang of six street-savvy toughs who totally owned the black market absinthe racket in Salzburg, back before our family immigrated.

2D6 – Graffiti indicating where one of D6 could be found, if one were in the market for some illicit absinthe.

SPD – Salzburg Police Department. Not known for drinking absinthe.

STR – Captain Kirk sans underwear. Seriously – take the HANEs out of SHATNER and you get STR. You can't make this stuff up, girl.

MAT – Kind of a rectangle thing in front of your door. You wipe your boots on it. Sometimes in bathrooms, but that's not a suitable topic for mixed company.

RAT – A large hairy rodent, once believed to carry bubonic plague. What, they don't teach you kids this in kindergarten?

DEF – Short for "Definitely", like in a text message. As in, "Watch out 4 D6. They r def crazy."

ARM – This thing here, with a hand on the end of it. Look, I got another one over here.

CMD – Go to the doctor, that rash is playing up again. Looks hideous. You should try fish oil.

Feat – Evidence that they're not teaching you squat in kindergarten. Feet has two Es, girl!

Spells – No, I think we already covered that they didn't teach you how to spell.

Stationary – Related to a train station.

What's the difference between a figurine and a miniature? You talking about them dollies now? Figurines are like them porcelain things your Auntie likes. Miniature? Does the dachshund count?

What's a "base coat"? The thing you wear under a parka.

FOCUS – What my glasses help me do now that my eyes aren't as good as they used to be... but I can still see that tattoo, girl. Don't let your auntie see, she'll lose her biscuit.

FURY – Show your auntie that tattoo and you'll find out, sure enough.