Insider 2-02-2011

Some things are universal: Birth. Death. A knack for picking the slowest checkout line in the grocery store. And cookies.

“Cookies?” you ask. Yes, cookies! Many a world has been built for less. A quick search on iTunes ® turns up over 250 cookie-related apps; a Google ® search gives over 67 million hits, even filtered for “food” versus “web.” (It also revealed that I went to college too darn soon, as now there’s such a thing as on-campus, late-night fresh cookie delivery! Really! Do a quick search.) And as we all know, the more apps and hits something generates, the more important to the future of humanity it must be.

But what of our WARMACHINE characters? Surely they must appreciate a well-crafted cookie as well as the next person. Heck, some days it might very well be just the ticket for a little post-battle pick-me-up. With that in mind, I give you my theory on some of our warcasters’ favorites. Enjoy!

Stryker: Buzzies
A hint of berry might be enough for some others, but Coleman Stryker doesn’t do anything halfway. These bite-sized cookies feature eleven kinds, a berry bonanza specially chosen by Viktor Pendrake and carefully blended in a secret recipe for maximum impact. When the alchemically crystallized cane juice on the top of the cookie comes into contact with the proprietary berry filling, the result is electrifying!

Amon: Wrack Snack
Who says cookies have to be sugary? Whether you’re settling in for a nice night by the fires or heading out on the road to redemption, this munchable mix is the perfect provision. The combination of peppered corn kernels with peanuts, almonds, sweet figberts, and miniature apricot hearts will keep you going long after your heathen enemies succumb to their pain.

Zoktavir: Lemon Lolas
He may be a nigh-unstoppable force on the battlefield, but when the blood has dried and it’s time to relax, The Butcher loves to curl up with a nice cup of Uldenfrost tea and these delectable lemon puffs. The outer shells are dense as Khadoran steel, but they melt as easily as the courage of a southerner in battle. Just remember: even if he offers it, never take the last one!

Deneghra: Cryxian Cremes
Sure, they’re dark and intense on the outside, but what’s really going on inside? Is there any sugar under all that spice? Find out—if you dare—with these dark chocolate treats and their intriguing filling. You know they can’t be good for you, yet you’ll keep coming back for more. Split one in half, and it only gets better!

Vyros: Dawnguard Tartlets
Miniature versions of a traditional House Nyarr pastry recipe with fresh meat stewed in spiced honey and giblets, these treats immediately transport Vyros back to a time when he raced through the Iosan woods barefoot and free, juggling hot, pilfered pastries in both hands. Return to the days of innocence in honey gravy with every bite!

Gorten: Goldfingers
One taste of these and you’ll know you’ve struck the mother lode. Each cookie is a precise balance of pure high-grade choc, dark caramel, and the strongest rum cake this side of the Meredius. It’s the closely guarded baking technique that marks a true Goldfinger, though, as it heats the nugget of sweet choc inside until it explodes to create veins in the dense cake. Only the Rhulfolk could create something so reliably good.

Supplies are limited, so don’t delay! Scribes are standing by to take your order.