Insider 12-19-2011

A long time ago, at a local game store sorta far away from here, a group of gamers were in a holiday mood and came up with silly verses to a popular Christmas carol. Sadly, none of those verses were committed to paper and were presumed lost to the sands of time.

It’s amazing what the human brain can recall, especially when fueled with sugar and caffeine. A recent conversation with editorial manager Darla Kennerud about what we should write for our respective Insider blogs jogged both our memories. Darla reads A LOT of words and is fantastic to brainstorm with. Having said that, I will offer up the following. Feel free to sing along!

The 12 Days of Cryxmas

On the first day of Cryxmas, Lord Toruk gave to me…
Lord Exhumator Scaverous

On the second day of Cryxmas, Lord Toruk gave to me…
2 Machine Wraiths
And Lord Exhumator Scaverous

On the third day of Cryxmas, Lord Toruk gave to me…
3 Stitch Thralls
2 Machines Wraiths
And Lord Exhumator Scaverous

OK, we all know how the song goes, right? Since Lord Toruk is a fun and generous … lord … let’s cut to the chase and see what we’re getting on the twelfth day.

On the twelfth day of Cryxmas, Lord Toruk gave to meeeeeeee…
12 Ripjaws piercing
11 Drudges punching
10 Lords-a-liching
9 Satyxis raiding
8 Brute Thralls brooding
7 Skarlocks casting
6 Seethers seething
5 Biiiiiiiiiile Thralls!
4 Scavengers
3 Stitch Thralls
2 Machine Wraiths
And Lord Exhumator Scaveroussssssss

Now here’s the real question: What are we talking about when it comes to model count if someone wanted to actually build and purchase this fun little army? Going by quantities spelled out in the song, it would be 364 total models. However, to make it a “playable” army, there can’t be 12 Lord Exhumator Scaverouses (Scaverii??), nor do we make a “Lords-a-Liching” unit. Instead, I’ll substitute Bane Thralls, because really, can a Cryx player ever have enough of them? Bear in mind that field allowances go out the window like yesterday’s spoiled eggnog.

12-day cumulative total

Model Quantity
Scaverous 1
Machine Wraith 22
Stitch Thrall 30
Scavenger 36
Bile Thralls 40
Seethers 42
Skarlocks 42
Brute Thralls 40
Satyxis 36
(Bane Thralls) 30
Drudges 22
Ripjaws 12

If you were to build the entire 12-day, cumulative army, it would be 355 models for a grand total of 846 points and would look something like this (rounding up due to Necrosurgeon & Stitch Thralls):

Lord Exhumator Scaverous (+5)
- Scavenger (4) x36
- Seether (9) x42
- Ripjaw (5) x12
Machine Wraith (1) x22
Necrosurgeon & 3 Stitch Thralls (2) x8
Bile Thralls (8/10) x4
Skarlock (2) x42
Brute Thrall (1) x40
Satyxis Raiders (8/10) x4
Satyxis Raiders (5/6) x1
Bane Thralls (8/10) x3
Cephalyx Mind Slaver & Drudges (6/10) x1
Cephalyx Mind Slaver & Drudges (4/6) x2

Now that’s just plain silly and it would take a VERY long time to assemble and paint. A more “manageable” army would include models from the twelfth day only, consist of 78 models, and be worth 178 points.

Twelfth day totals

Model Quantity
Scaverous 1
Machine Wraith 2
Stitch Thrall 3
Scavenger 4
Bile Thralls 5
Seethers 6
Skarlocks 7
Brute Thralls 8
Satyxis 9
(Bane Thralls) 10
Drudges 11
Ripjaws 12

Lord Exhumator Scaverous (+5)
- Scavenger (4) x4
- Seether (9) x6
- Ripjaw (5) x12
Machine Wraith (1) x2
Necrosurgeon & 3 Stitch Thralls (2) x1
Bile Thralls (5/6) x1
Skarlock (2) x7
Brute Thrall (1) x8
Satyxis Raiders (8/10) x1
Bane Thralls (8/10) x1
Cephalyx Mind Slaver & Drudges (6/10) x1

Now for comedy and audience participation, feel free to come up with your own lyrics and armies! In the interest of keeping this relatively focused, I stuck with Cryx (since “Cryxmas” has a certain ring to it), but there’s no reason you couldn’t sub in your faction of choice.

And with that, a Merry Cryxmas to all, and to all a good night!